Thursday, April 28, 2005

carry me

after a tiring month.....or so...physically, emotionally and spiritually...i'm back to blog again!!...just waiting and praying for the pains to heal right now. Just tired of always being a wishy-washy Christian.....tired of being hurt.....tired of being depressed....i just want to live life as it is my life to be used by God....not other people....tired of being controlled...tired of criticising and being criticised...Lord, i really need Your strength to carry me....lift up all my burdens, all my needs and everything....draw me close....really need You here. Well, have been using this song to strengthen my emotions and my spiritual being. i feel it has very reflectful lyrics and all but more importantly the importance of having God around, "Carry Me" by Marty Sampson:

You lead me into Your courts
Surround me with Your love
I walk with You
I do not fear

You carry me
You are my strength
I've learned to trust in You
And once again i'm reaching out

In this place, dreams are made
In this place, where You are

Carry me here
In Your arms of love
Draw me close to You
I want to be where You are

well, after goin for exams i was just left to wait by my dentist who was in a way pestering me to do this and that while he was busy "planning" my future. i don't see the cause here...first he asked me to go to seremban then after i told him that i need to send my sister college in the meantime he continued pestering me to go to his place(in cheras) even though i've got nothing to do at his place cause he receives dentures case by case but because since he shifted in january....he hasn't started work for about three months since then and i was just like a fool sending him here and there. i found no purpose at all other than becoming his "servant" or driver.....listening to his "arrogance", his "plans", sarcasm and everything without getting paid throughout this whole period of 10 months with only a little compensation of rm200. i did learn from him but it was very limited (the skills and time)...and of course the art of being just like him....the a negative way.....the longer i was with him, the vainer i became in terms of appearance(facial bone structure, face, proportionality of the body..) and all so readers be cautioned one time i got pretty obsessive about it(my sister knows)...i still am but the depression is not as strong it used to be. so, all of you who knows me please stray away from asking me these questions:
1)....ey, look over there.,no..there....ah!...yeah!.....that chick pretty or not? OR
2)....hey buddy look at this pic....what's your opinion bout this gal?...cute or not? OR
3).......anything regarding on looks even on guys. i wanna make this clear. I'M NOT GAY!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. that's what i always hear and that's what i will answer if i'm asked based on these questions aforementioned above.....i believe this phrase to a certain extent only..the rest is all based on how the world sees you especially your presentability and appearance. i may sound secular but it is the truth. YOU cannot run away from it. don't ask me how i see appearance on people cause if you'd really know, you might not even want me to be your friend. i really consider this type of "knowledge" somesort of evil. somesort of immaturity. a lot of people don't really know or realize how much i know because i just don't show it...ignorance's the word...i know about my weaknesses and sometimes i just let go without realizing...oh well... it's really tough living in the real world.
so now i'm trying to climb back into the working world in seremban....hopefully it's still possible.
work and struggles aside....i'm happy to annouce i am ashwin joshua's new student!!....yupp....get all the funk grooves comin...i will be ready!! just gettin him to be more of a mentor or teacher...letting him to supervise my techniques and all.... am really happy bout this!...
yeah i know this one's long ago but i will try to post my drum pics soon.....gotta lend a digicam first...umm...where can i find one?