Writings of the Wombat :)

It is Time!

2007-06-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

It's been very long since I last blogged. Anyway, fast forward to the present....I am back studying again! yeay!...I'm currently in my 2nd sem 1st year course doing a Bachelor in Communications and am thoroughly enjoying my course.

I have been praying for God to use me in certain areas especially in the area of people ministry(if there is a so-called ministry...haha) and am eagerly waiting to see what He has in store for me. I've also decided to blog each part of this journey of it from now on:)

If you've been wondering what the title is about it's actually the title for my next post. I'll try and post up on what I've been up to and everything in the upcoming post. Just praying that I will have the time to do so.

So, to everyone I know.... May God stretch you and use you to the fullest!

A New Year!

2007-01-02T17:36:00.000-08:00

Was just pondering on how the past year has gone for me..was it good, bad, ugly... or maybe great? Let me answer this question at the end of this blog;) hahah

There's a lot to tell on what has happened in the past year of 2006. I worked full-time as an office administrator at church till june 2006. After that I was jobless, insecure, vulnerable......okok, I sound a bit like a pessimist here... for a few months....was another one of those dry times in life where you don't have a clear direction and you're just looking for an open door or just a sign of affirmation to go ahead. It seems odd here that I am a pastor's son looking lost in times where I need to be certain in life (as how the world sees it). At 21, that should be the benchmark on where your plans should seem a little bit clearer than before. Headlines read... Millionaires by the age of 25, Youth pursues passion in fashion, Writer wins booker prize award...these are the people who should have already "made it" or "know what they want to do" in life.... these are the people i should emulate...or so i thought. At these dry times, I definitely knew something was definitely wrong and missing in my life. Why should I worry on what clothes i wear? Matthew 6:25-34 clears up on what I was worrying about. Why should I be so bugged by other people's achievements and wealth? Matthew 6:19-24 says:

Treasures in Heaven
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

I have already read these verses countless of times but they never meant so much to me till now. Better realizing things later never.

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Sometimes we lose focus on what really matters in life. Of course if we set our minds on achieving something, we'll be moving forward towards it at the very least. Some may gain recognition, some don't and some fail. Life goes on. I find Matt 6:24 very compelling.

" No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the other and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

This one verse alone keeps reminding me on what matters most. Serving God. Giving of your self to your friends and neighbours. In the world; time=money. But if you're a Christian, living a life serving others in reflecting the relationship you have with God is all that matters. In His eyes; time=opportunity to serve others. Matt 6:33 states about seeking God first in everything and letting God settle the rest. In all that you do, if you have God in your heart, you'd want to do thing's with purpose. Even with a chore, like sweeping the floor (even if you're the only one, besides your mum who takes the initiative to do it) , just know that God appreciates servanthood even when you can't feel that He's there.

There were times this year where I had sinned and didn't even realize it until things happen or when situations change for the worse. That was in my case that is, different situations require different solutions. Probably God was thinking in that manner but who knows rite? I had this unhealthy-friend-relationship with a girl this year which i guess many didn't know about. Maybe some people found out but I don't really bother about that anymore. It's a past I wish would remind me always to look to Him first, trusting Him totally through all my actions and ways. This relationship started by just wanting to be a better friend....or so i thought....then there was a little bit of flirting (According to dictonary.com; flirt: to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.). I'll be the first to admit that I hate playing games with girl's hearts and even hate the notion of flirting at all. All I know is that I've been tempted and I've failed. I've prayed about this relationship(about this friendship that maybe had gone a bit too close for comfort) and I've been praying for God to show me clearly....literally asking for a slap in the face to let me know that now's not the time to start any sort of BGR. God showed me and I've been hurt for quite some time. It wasn't in anyway about what happened but it was my problem personally to deal with God. If she reads this, I want her to know that it wasn't because of something happened that pulled me away from her but because it was really either not the right time or maybe God was protecting us both somehow in which I still don't really quite understand. I was definitely confused, blur(o this....I think I've been like that even before this...hehe:)...yup!), forgetful and I did feel rejected, lost and even was in denial like I kept telling my self that any sort of attraction never even took place and that it was just part of my vast imagination and dreams. It's hard to talk about things when nothing's been said and the relationship's status undefined. I couldn't be open to anyone because no one actually knows about this besides a couple of my friends. The pain after that incident was unbearable at that time where I kept reflecting on the past and what happened. After what happened, I made some sort of pledge to myself not to go on MSN msgr(fleeing away from temptation..haha) but I haven't closed the book on things yet. I was avoiding her at one point. I still needed to talk to her a little bit more clearly on what had happened and ask for forgiveness on the mistakes I've done. I approached her to talk in December. We talked....hmmm...well, I think I did most of the talking. She did respond though, and I was like "oh okay....I think you get it...yay!". After that conversation, I felt that I was free from this bondage that was hanging over me for quite some time. But the pain still stays. It's definitely a lot lesser but it's still there. I know the universal truth that time heals wounds....though no one would actually know how long this would take. It varies for different people and different situations, aye? Although I feel this is definitely a personal matter and why blog over it but I feel that the time has come to be transparent about my life. To start being accountable to God, myself and my fellow friends(fellow sounds so churchy eh?haha). Hope that this new friendship with her will be renewed under God's blessing and guidance and that we can remain cool as friends:) ~chill~ .
So, I'll still state that last year was still a great year for me...I've stumbled, got up, learned and grew a lot!

Unselfishness is a virtue of greatness- Isaac Ng(2007), Isaac and His Crapping....haha

I'll blog over my next thought some other time....but I 'll leave with the lyrics to this song, a very beautiful one. I really dig the last bridge....especially the last line:-

"He can heal your wounded soul and calm the storm inside"

Sixpence None the Richer
"WITH EVERY BREATH"
Written by Marc Byrd
duet with Dan Haseltine (Jars Of Clay)

Hallelujah from the heavens
Hallelujah in the heights above the earth
Hallelujah all His angels
Hallelujah for the last will be first
let everything that has breath praise the Lord
let everything that has breath praise the Lord

Hallelujah in the morning
Hallelujah for the beauty of His scars
Hallelujah in the twilight
Hallelujah sun and moon and shining stars
let everything that has breath praise the Lord
let everything that has breath praise the Lord

when the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
you can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
when you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul and calm the storm inside

for all your times of laughter in every hopeful prayer
when the world weighs on your shoulders
through sorrow and your despair
with everything, with every breath, praise the Lord
let everything, that has breath praise the Lord

let everything that has breath praise the Lord
let everything that has breath praise the Lord
let everything that has breath praise the Lord
let everything,that has breath praise the Lord

when the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
you can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
when you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul and calm the storm inside

A day in KL

2006-05-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

Nothing much happened within my knowledge these past few weeks with the exception of jerome taking annual leave for 10 days and leaving me alone right here in PD. haha. Sounds very odd right? As I've said over the past few months our friendship has bonded very much like super glue and we've been encouraging each other with pure brotherly love (definitely nothing identical to brokeback mountain, mind you!!). Let me rephrase that...we've been encouraging each other with pure brotherly love in Christ. As some of you might wonder what's this picture doing here right? This is how I look minus the spectacles. Haven't been comfortable for a while getting my photos taken but recently it's becoming one of my favourite past times. I'm currently trying to cut down the odds of "not so greatly taken" type of photos because I know I'm not photogenically gifted. I've recently taken notice of some of my old friends who can now take really nice pictures of themselves. I believe my sister's photogenic too in a way even though she refuses to acknowledge it. Here are the stats...Last time I believe the odds on me getting a nice picture would be 3/10(three ok pics out of ten). Now, the odds are better for me i guess. Now it should be around 6/11 and i'm trying to get maybe a 15/20 to 18/20....yeah that would be great! Hope that i'm not promoting any sort of vanity here......hahaha.....I've been previously been a slave to vanity for far too long. I believe i'm not a slave of it any more but rather taking it in my stride with whatever God has given me. I'm just getting excited about myself in a healthy way and trying to get comfortable with my appearance. For as long as grooming is concerned.....Isaac Ng Chu Oon is definitely a late bloomer! A constant reminder would be that God doesn't look much on what is on the outside but on what matter's in the heart. Are we glorifying Him? Are we portraying what we believe in the right perspective? Are we living our lives right with God?Grooming on the inside is an extremely tough and challenging thing to do on a daily basis. On the outside we do things for our own satisfaction with people's view in mind but on the inside it's always between us and God.

I would like to introduce you guys to Mr. Jerome Liew. A tall and stout guy (he'll kill me if he sees this so everyone who knows him just....sSsShHhH!..ok?) He knows almost all of the problems I'm facing right now and more importantly he's a great friend although sometimes(now it's becoming more like all times not some...heheh) he ditches me for his gf. But you know la if a guy has a gf....priorities shift. I'm happy for him and hopes his relationship will be a successful one no matter what the outcome. . So, i'll concentrate on what matters most now, get through my studies and start a career(serving God full-time still remains to be seen). I have to be able to take care of myself and the people who are currently around me before I shoulder the responsibility of caring for someone I truly care about...right? God knows best! In the meantime I want to let all the female friends I know that..I care for you in a way that a brother does. Anything that I've done wrong in the past, please forgive me and I hope to serve you gals better in any way I possibly can with the love of Christ...I've been crapping a lot right now so I better start with what happened today.

What actually happened today was quite fun. Our family Klang to send the church's computer to Comm. Victor Vasu for repair because of a power problem. After that, I went to see Dr. Ma for a medical and we had bah kut teh for lunch. Then we headed off to IKEA in sri damansara then we proceeded to Mid Valley to collect something- this "something" can only be revealed by my sis. Well, here comes the interesting part. Boy.. was I in for a treat! Will let you guys know in the next post. Tiredness sets in .. .. .. .. .. ..

the sad and gloomy days are GONE!

2006-04-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

That's what the title suggests and that's what i hope for. Things have been going great for me since my last post which is about how many months ago? ahh....yah.....5 months ago. I've been stuck in a rut for quite some time now and it's time to break free.....free from the things that are holding me back....free from unforgiveness....free from sin. umm.....sin....that's what's ultimately all about. God hates sin.

Boy oh boy!....these 5 months have certainly made an impact in my life, my thinking and my relationships with countless people (and no i'm not talking about BGRs here). The utter realization that God has put me to the test in which i failed miserably. i realize i'm not strong enough. His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts and so are His ways. There's no point in trying to decipher that code which surrounds my life and circumstances with my own understanding. The only way of getting through the tough times, to be successful in meaningful relationships, marriage and life itself is to look to God first. Love your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Seeking His kingdom first other than ours (Matthew 6:33) is a commitment that's so easy to say but hard to do. Many Christians today (i'm reminding myself too!) try and seek the best in their education, striving hard for the best job, trying multiple ways to multiply their income, getting a nice car, home and trying to live comfortable lives. It's alright to think and have some desire for these but once we're thinking more of it rather than letting God be the main reason in our lives, we're most probably making these things our idols without even realizing it....hence sinning! Well, i've begun re-examining myself about my thoughts and actions especially recently on a day-to-day basis. Counting my failures, repenting of my sins and trying to be true to God and myself (if that makes any sense) and seeking His purpose in my life, not how people look at me and expect me to be. Well, i'll sum up what was going on in my life 5 months till now in the next paragraph.

Well, i've bonded with certain "people"who were around me since i first stepped in Port Dickson. The term "people" is used because it's wide. I'll elaborate. "People"- joash, shaun, asaph, jin swan, edmund, jerome, peh yung, may ann, charis, cindy, gideon, george, marcus and the hunks from Firm Foundation (mun, kuan, steven, guan, peter, thomas, jabez, foo, unc. lazarus, joseph, tey and fatt)......it's not in any chronological or whatever order. I may have bonded more with some "people" in the middle compared to the front ones....or maybe not (hehe....how's my version of trash talking?;P). And yeah, i picked up ping pong again. The guys at FF are hard to beat...i just stand a fighting chance in beating jerome. The rest of the guys i don't have to even mention. they beat me flat. Jerome'll beat me flat too if he's on top form ...hahaha. The bros in FF are great.....in a sense that they sort of "motivate" me to exercise just like in a gym minus the equipment. This is what i do in my weekly routine: jogging 50 rounds around a badminton court at least 3 times a week and cycling to and fro Firm Foundation(should be around 2 km per session) around 4-5 times a week. My daily routine(though still not as consistent): pumping 4 sets of 25 each and chin ups 4 sets of 10 each. All this in addition to playing futsal/ sepak takraw/ ping pong. All in all i'm glad that i get to meet and know such wonderful souls here in Port Dickson which was supposed to be the land i was desperately trying to get out of. The youths here have been great. Was surprised with the enthusiasm of jin swan and edmund when they got sucked into music. One is an avid linkin park and fort minor fan.....the other's more of a versatile listener. For me....i'm outdated on music rite now. And my oh my, has my taste of music changed!....i'm so into pop tunes which was not so a few months ago i think. Not so into britney spears and aguilera but more of umm mandy moore, kelly clarkson, avril lavigne and vanessa carlton...more of their older stuffs. My all time favourite should still be "a thousand miles" by vanessa carlton. Looks like numinous' gonna sound "poppish" from the drums for a while....heheh :)

gtg now.....this entry will be continued...

musicianship anybody....???

2005-10-06T03:17:00.000-07:00

this is something that came into my mind last night. Luke Sanjay(bass/electric guitar/lead and backing vocals) and the Good Shepherd band( which changes periodically or let's say rotates their members at times) which consists of- Sheema(keys/piano/vocals), Peter(bass), Vedadas(bass) , Andrew(electric guitar), Simon(electric guitar) Sharma(backing vocals/lead vocals/keys), Ashwin(drums/perc.), Shoban(drums/perc.) Samuel(electric guitar/backing vocals), Samson(drums/lead vocals/backing vocals), Joash(drums/perc.) have impressed me a lot in their passion, skills, practices and determination to be dedicated in their skills to be equipped to serve God. I just met some of them yesterday and was having fun talking about music. Sanjay just got his new sporty look Kia Spectra(just met him last night in practice for the women's convention thing in flamengo hotel this coming friday). so at around 11.50pm here i was in the car with Sanjay and Ashwin and we were listening to some cool fusion music. Then came the big surprise!! I finally heard a song "Rescue Me" or something like that(almost completed) from Sanjay's first upcoming album. with his influences ranging from Sting to John Patitucci to Frank Gambale to Dave Weckl and their respective bands it's no wonder he more than manages to stir one's imagination in his songs with some firm groovy bass-lines and soaring leads and how can i forget that catchy chorus tune. His lyrics I can't comment much (but it certainly leaves the listener to ponder some thoughts)coz i just listened once but his vocals is clear and full which is more than good enough to spread the desired message. I can somehow see a very very very slight eric johnson tone in his singing(but he wasn't that happy about that comment...heheh)...so i'll just sum it up as a very defined, clear, full and a very nice quality in his voice. but what i heard from his song needs more than words to describe with nice backing vocals and synth playing from Sheema and some great drumming from Ashwin.....the musicianship was indeed high. not too high compared with world class professionals but most certainly high. looks like i need to buck up on my drums, acoustic guitar, vocals, bass and my new found love...the electric guitar....to dig deeper in my understanding of music

hmm

2005-09-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

hmm... it's been peaceful these days i don't know why but i just feel it. will be worship leading this week have been off duty from the worship team for a month now....haven't been playing the drums in church for around 1 1/2 to 2 months i guess...haha...i just feel that i may be in dreamland. there's this feeling that makes me so relaxed, cozy and calm today. it seems that all troubles just seem so small. considering venturing into the music industry or something that's linked to it even though it's very tough in this country. might be teaching drums soon, full time for a couple of months and see what happens. although there are many doubts, and a lot of things going through my mind i believe and trust that God will never abandon me even though i've made some wrong crucial decisions in life. LIFE IS GREAT WHEN YOU TRUST GOD!

a new phone?

2005-08-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

when love takes you in
everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
when love takes you home and says you belong here
the loneliness ends and a new life begins
when love takes you in

This song is great. The lyrics, the music..haha..am a fan of steven curtis chapman's songs especially lately when his compositions like "i will be here" and "when love takes you in" has this sentimental feel. strong and commendable lyrics...

umm....have been looking around for a phone for a very long time and i can't remember since when but i'm very pleased with what i have right now...sony ericsson's K700i..thanks to dad and mum who bought it for my birthday which came in very timely coz i know i won't have enough cash to get that phone with my current expenses running a bit high(for me that is). A very nice phone but i'll need to learn more about it to use its functionality to its maximum.

what a weekend! haha...funny weh...

2005-07-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

hello people!! the two events passed by and oh!....some funny, fun, not so funny and miserable things happened. either i'm too sensitive or people are just not sensitive i don't know. well let's go to the synopsis of what were the two events about:

1st event ( the music workshop):
i don't mean to be rude or anything but does a music seminar ring anything to you guys? i know it's good to be balanced in the spiritual side and the technical but it seems that the spiritual side of awareness is way too much emphasized. 1st of all a music seminar and a worship seminar are two completely different seminars. the first seminar leans more towards music....MUSIC....does anyone know what music means? let me look up at dictionary.com

music (noun)
1.The art of arranging sounds in time so as to produce a continuous, unified, and evocative composition, as through melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre.

this is the closest i can find on the meaning of it in general. so,we can make it somewhat 70-80% music and 10-20% on the spiritual side of how to be an effective musician and worshipper, how not to distract the other musicians and the congregation, how not to play out of synchronization(time and tune) on a sunday worship service, how to be a servant with humble attitude (get rid of pride), a lot of hands-on, advice and demonstrations on equipment and other things that can be done in the certain amount of time given. a worship seminar on the other hand can be totally focused on the spiritual aspect and maybe on how to use a musical instrument as a tool to worship God because MUSIC IS NOT WORSHIP. we can use music as a tool to use to worship God but this action is not worship. it's actually what comes out of the heart of the particular musician that plays and not his/her sound. musicians are burdened with the responsibility not to distract other musicians and the congregation from their focus towards God in corporate worship (i.e. in a sunday service) which eventually translates as:-
1) not to play out of tune
2) not to distract others (inclusive of people with pride who likes attention who then plays or
tries to play like an all out soloist)
3)not to play out of time (drummers and the bassists are the ones that hold the band and
their timing has the utmost importance in keeping the band tight but if the
guitarist and pianist or the other lead or back-up instruments don't have a good sense of
time on their own then that could spell trouble either way)
4)many more
If a person knows he's playing at a very shaky level. he/she should find a way to solve it or at least be open to what others say and just solve it( i'm talking about those who can't hold a chord firmly, constantly runs out of time, doesn't tune the instrument etc - basically called beginners).

hahaha....it looked like i just stretched up too much on what i was supposed to say huh?.the workshop was basically around 10-15% on how to eliminate problems on the technical aspect on musicianship and 80% at least on worship in the 1 and a half hours time, 30 minutes was spent in a time of worship. a further 20 minutes was spent on a speech or introduction of himself and the workshop (it was a collaberation with his dad), 10-15 minutes for tea time and another 20 minutes for hands-on, 10 minutes for a Q & A session which i think he just answered 1 question 10 minutes for worship and the remaining time for a wrap-up and closure. the only good outcome of the event was that we got to collaborate for the first time in a music workshop with the presbyterian church in port dickson, i personally got to speak and have a chat with Pastor Zadok and that it was a good exposure for the young ones. the content of the music workshops which involves our church is repetitive for countless of times already. the musicians in our church especially the young adults and the adults are in denial to accept and receive what has been said all this while by the facilitators for years as in since the day i stepped in to the church in 1996 but a few of us( maybe just a few of us) have received or gained from elsewhere or somehow just acquired the knowledge but we are by far at a higher point of understanding music. with that said, many people would want to listen to us? who are of the younger generation and which may have gone some sort of training to pick up a musical instrument from the more stubborn adults themselves who still remain at the level when we first saw them 9 years ago?particularly enough i have tried but failed countless of times on trying to deliver the message and knowledge on technical aspect.

matthew is good in terms that he is a degree holder in piano(classical). he plays brilliantly on the piano (says my sis) and he is a qualified music director in his own church. he plays well but he stressed on things like musicianship at a higher level( which he didn't say) where he urged musicians not to copy a cd. but i find that that is in terms of improvising as in once you can play the song in it's original arrangement like nobody's business then you can improvise and blend in with the band! but it was a sad sad day. some or most, i don't know, but a lot of people got the message not to copy the cd at all which in turn will lead to people trying to play at different chords or even improvise and changing their the whole song at their own will. i don't really know what to say. and he didn't answer me and the rest of the group about how to gel in with the band and not play messily because i was trying to reach out to the young adults and adults through a third party(matthew).hahah.my church has lots of people like them(the young adults and musicians) who look up highly at "amo-lang" or the whites...caucasian people in general. that didn't seemed to work so i didn't really want to try so hard on it and i just let the workshop run. at the end of the day had a nice time talking to some of the guys and pastor zadok from the presbyterian church. overall it was on "OK" workshop. i'll give it a C rating for the technical side....heheh..better log off now before i talk more crap so catch y'all later yah?...

....hmm.....

2005-07-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

life.....what's the meaning of it?i really don't get it at times....i'm living at the edge right now sad to say.....distancing myself away from the world and from God.i feel so defeated.really need motivation and encouragement right now.i'm fed up of being a person with lots of self pity.I just need to start back get right down to my knees and pray and mend back my broken relationship with Him.God hates the luke-warmed which makes my heart feel so bad...well enough of self pity now. i have a hard time thinking evreyday till i'm known as mr. blur. haha. well, i'll take that as a compliment. i don't know if anyone of you sees this but i'll just type it out for fun. heheh. even as some of my friends talk to me, i will suddenly lose focus on what the person's trying to say because i'll arrive in a state of "thinking too much" practically about anything but basically about what and who's around me and of course i'll think about myself. the week-end two weeks from now's getting closer and there'll be two mini events coming up. the first will will be a music seminar conducted by Matthew Fields, son of Pastor Chris Fields and a house-warming thing that will be organized by david lee our housemate...till then....tata!

what a day!!

2005-05-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

a day that seemed like nothing turned out sort of disastrous, intriguingly strange and wonderful. It started just like any other "normal" day...umm....my normal day isn't that "normal" anymore..oh well..i woke up around 1.30pm today which is extremely bad, distasteful, awkward timing....you name it. i didn't even wash my face or even brush my teeth when my dad called letting me know about my current "working" situation in seremban...."working" as in i haven't even started yet, was just on trial for the previous months...it turned out that i won't be able to work/ train under him(dr. philip ting) because his current dental lab space is fully occupied and i'll have to wait around june to start learning under him.....time is essential, but my life seems to be controlled or monopolized by people(which i choose not to name) previously...which makes me ponder to really start life anew....i've been thinking too much lately which doesn't actually make me profitable either...accomodating things and thoughts in my mind won't make me better or even feel better...i just don't know what makes me think a lot...i know i have to do something within these current few weeks if not i might just go crazy. My life as a whole or the growth of my well being seems very stagnant lately...if i'm not doing anything...might as well start drumming practices...it does fill up time but you won't really improve unless you get into a real band playing challenging and technical songs...haha....let me get back to my story of today...after the call from dad, my sister and eunice decided to go shopping at One-U for some occasion (obviously not shopping for themselves) and i declined to go after the dreadful and moody experience the day before at Mid-Valley. after they left, i was thinking of goin to leisure mall to get some PC games...haha maybe just FIFA 2005....haven't been playing games for years already....sad sad...and lunch.....yea lunch and it was already 3.30pm. i drove the car heading towards leisure mall( as usual i took the cheras hartamas way, just feel better goin this way although i'll just be skipping a traffic light) when i reached the petronas junction, the inevitable happened. u see, it was a long queue towards the traffic light so at the junction where i was in(there were no lights) the queue was sort of broken at the junction to just let vehicles in/out. so as i was approaching the junction i noticed at the breakaway point on my left was a lorry and on my right...a black mpv. the mpv was partially blocking most of my view and as i was just heading out........sccRRrEEeCChhH.....BUMP!!......the brown iswara i was in collided with a motorcycle but it was merely minor stuff. actually it was quite big la....the number plate is gone(gonna make a new one tomorrow) the bumper was literally torn up, the motorcyclist got a not so deep gash on his right foot. what i wasn't pleased about was that the doctor at the clinic nearby charged rm80 for washing the wound....not even stitching it...huh! talk about earning money...then the doc kept on saying....can claim la...i'll issue you a receipt....bla, bla, bla...i just went on to pay the doc in a mannerly way so that the motorcyclist can at least feel satisfied i paid some medical expense. after hitting a bike...the other motorcyclists on the road and bystanders will scorn at you no matter who was in the right..i can say that there was only a little percentage for me to avoid this maybe just over 5% and i can boldly say i was not fully in the wrong given the external circumstances(even the motorcyclist was riding quite fast to cut queue) either but i think in traffic laws i might as well be put to blame so i just decided to settle it with that guy ..can hear a number of people saying "bawalah dia jumpa doktor" all sorts la....so after settling that went to klang(aftyer arranging it with my dad) to fix it up at my uncle's(bernard) workshop. uncle wasn't there but his worker was. repairing work finished at 8.20pm or so (quite fascinating la. the way he repaired it). dunno why when i get back to klang sure i'll have the craving for "lala chien " or "fried lala" in english....super weh....when eaten hot it's one of the best stuff you can eat while you're alive. the location of the stall is at the back of the now closed down (Ocean Klang supermarket). well the food was absolutely fabulous, delicious....you name it! after coming back played PS for a while then watched the PSV vs. AC Milan match. i'd say the dutch team were very good all round in the last two matches in tactics, gelling, teamwork and all but sad they got kicked out on the away goals rule...To cap it all off, today was really a disastrous, intriguingly strange and wonderful day.

carry me

2005-04-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

after a tiring month.....or so...physically, emotionally and spiritually...i'm back to blog again!!...just waiting and praying for the pains to heal right now. Just tired of always being a wishy-washy Christian.....tired of being hurt.....tired of being depressed....i just want to live life as it is my life...my life to be used by God....not other people....tired of being controlled...tired of criticising and being criticised...Lord, i really need Your strength to carry me....lift up all my burdens, all my needs and everything....draw me close....really need You here. Well, have been using this song to strengthen my emotions and my spiritual being. i feel it has very reflectful lyrics and all but more importantly the importance of having God around, "Carry Me" by Marty Sampson:

You lead me into Your courts
Surround me with Your love
I walk with You
I do not fear

You carry me
You are my strength
I've learned to trust in You
And once again i'm reaching out

In this place, dreams are made
In this place, where You are

Carry me here
In Your arms of love
Draw me close to You
I want to be where You are

well, after goin for exams i was just left to wait by my dentist who was in a way pestering me to do this and that while he was busy "planning" my future. i don't see the cause here...first he asked me to go to seremban then after i told him that i need to send my sister college in the meantime he continued pestering me to go to his place(in cheras) even though i've got nothing to do at his place cause he receives dentures case by case but because since he shifted in january....he hasn't started work for about three months since then and i was just like a fool sending him here and there. i found no purpose at all other than becoming his "servant" or driver.....listening to his "arrogance", his "plans", sarcasm and everything without getting paid throughout this whole period of 10 months with only a little compensation of rm200. i did learn from him but it was very limited (the skills and time)...and of course the art of being just like him....the dentist...in a negative way.....the longer i was with him, the vainer i became in terms of appearance(facial bone structure, face, proportionality of the body..) and all so readers be cautioned ...at one time i got pretty obsessive about it(my sister knows)...i still am but the depression is not as strong it used to be. so, all of you who knows me please stray away from asking me these questions:
1)....ey, look over there. there..no,no..there....ah!...yeah!.....that chick pretty or not? OR
2)....hey buddy look at this pic....what's your opinion bout this gal?...cute or not? OR
3).......anything regarding on looks even on guys. i wanna make this clear. I'M NOT GAY!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. that's what i always hear and that's what i will answer if i'm asked based on these questions aforementioned above.....i believe this phrase to a certain extent only..the rest is all based on how the world sees you especially your presentability and appearance. i may sound secular but it is the truth. YOU cannot run away from it. don't ask me how i see appearance on people cause if you'd really know, you might not even want me to be your friend. i really consider this type of "knowledge" somesort of evil. somesort of immaturity. a lot of people don't really know or realize how much i know because i just don't show it...ignorance's the word...i know about my weaknesses and sometimes i just let go without realizing...oh well... it's really tough living in the real world.
so now i'm trying to climb back into the working world in seremban....hopefully it's still possible.
work and struggles aside....i'm happy to annouce i am ashwin joshua's new student!!....yupp....get all the funk grooves comin...i will be ready!! just gettin him to be more of a mentor or teacher...letting him to supervise my techniques and all.... am really happy bout this!...
yeah i know this one's long ago but i will try to post my drum pics soon.....gotta lend a digicam first...umm...where can i find one?

one of the lowest points in my drumming years...sigh!

2005-03-22T09:32:00.000-08:00

haha.....the concert last week in survivor 2 was such fun considering that i was playing like a young primary school kid with a few months drumming experience!....barely had enough time to setup the drums more precisely which i definitely regret...haha....i AM a fussy person but in the end if i did set up to my personal preferences....the rewards can be all the more generous!...which means i'll be able to play better ....firmer timing and all....but what happened to me at the day of the survivor 2 event last week was disastrous....didn't feel well in the afternoon until around 4pm when we reached there in palm springs, i surpisingly felt much better....was exhausted the day before...haha...i knew i shouldn't be exhausted just a night before the real thing! was in seremban from 2pm to 11pm...how much more tiring can it be? on saturday night(2 nights before survivor2), barely had enough rest just around 4 hours of sleep so it carried on till the next day...and then till monday...u can say i was pretty flat-out on tuesday...just so tired to do anything...so when i was playing on monday night(survivor2 concert)...everything came out like crap....good leonard and the presence of God was there (which i hope did save the embarrassment a litle bit...heheh..)if not for leonard's vocals the whole concert would be just total crap technically (not spiritually ler...). it was pretty messy, i myself couldn't gel with the band, the tempo and timing was all over the place there were only 3 "tracks" that i was just ok with but not very pleased. i got this conclusion after an evaluation by tape from michael today. they are "anthem"(the tempo still kept getting faster and rushing in almost each bar,occasional lags and slow tempo too), "drum solo"( forgot to do triplets, literally no time to set up the dbl bass pedal let alone the whole setup. well, it was a nice musical solo, occasional vinnie c off beat stuff very free hand style....but nothing great or spectacular and again......tempo problem!) and "come to praise" (nice...but again there was the tempo and me rushing again...argh!! :) ...) so that was literally the whole thing....was so tired after that...but good in a way i'll have lots of room for improvement....no comments about the other vocals besides leonard...haha....just have nothing else to say.and yay!!a big YAY!!.....me dad just bought me a pearl export red wine fusion kit, she's just gorgeous!...i know it can sound kinda big once mic-ed up and some eq-ing....thanks dad!!....now just have to get a throne...and once i work....get some AAX hats and a ride(maybe an alchemy pro ride)...haha...this collection can never end!will post up the pics of my whole range of equipment real soon...

one of the best moments in my drumming years!

2005-03-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

hahaha....yah it was sunday.....it started out very ordinarily...the same people played musical instruments in the sunday service as usual with the exception of Uncle Charles Oh....haha....and my "once upon a time" drum teacher played above his average playing.....what a surprise!....still have errors but it's more countable compared to his average drumming....the pianist played much better than her average too(feel bad la criticizing ppl. actually, i don't really care..hehe)....hmm....seems strange but i think i know the cause....it's Uncle Charles!!...they all once networked together with him so i think he has a certain amount of confidence in them i guess (it works both ways, but nevertheless for the better)..he shared with us about offering our lives to Christ and live our life ultimately for God. had a nice lunch with Uncle Charles and family ....the food was also above average i guess...hmm....dunno y...well, it's the first time i talked to adeline after a very, very long time in a very short period of time,i think it was just under a minute......haha..she was doing the background vocals in APYAC 2003(wasn't sure until michael lewis let me know) which was the "mini conversation" starter...after that i reached seremban unbelievably 5 minutes earlier than the practice session..and the moment came when half way through the practice everyone asked me to do the solo i was supposed to do and i made quite a major breakthrough with my pearl eliminator double pedals....i started doing double bass drum work at the climax of the solo....even though my timing clearly slacked but i was happy with the achievement that i made with the eliminator...i couldn't imagine myself doing it before..so here comes another week...hopefully i'l do better...and to all of the YAN9 band mates....thank you! well, today's a thursday and nothing happened much between sunday till now with the exception of a couple of meets with my dentist and a visit to mike lewis's house...argh!!...am now itching for a hair cut....hopefully can get it done by saturday.

a week to forget?i don't know

2005-02-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

okay....this post would be real short in comparison with those previous ones...
last week was a really dull dull week for me...felt so empty, lonely, lost almost every goal in sight
i could really just visualize myself in the term.."dead man walking"....a lot of negativity of sorts..
it's just like a dark shadow covering over me...and i don't know how to get out of it...been hardly praying these days too..which means...argh!...i really dunno what to say
uncle charles came in last saturday and sunday to share with us about music, God, worship and all.it's a real encouragement...will elaborate on it later....and sunday was one of the most uplifting days of my life....in these 3 years at least!

a strange day

2005-02-16T09:34:00.000-08:00

what a day....had a strange feeling at midnight when i was alone eating at the mamak stall having some cheese naan and teh ais...erm....it really feels as if so many people are just going off...going off especially when i'm not ready at all...in this case was gideon, even though we are not considered as one of those in the good/best friends category, i felt that i just really "lost" somebody that i sort of know...hmm....well, look at the facts...i first met him when my family and i shifted to Port Dickson in 1996....yeah...the place near the sea...hahah...he was known as this naughty young brat bullying little kids or the the young adults who were still "young at heart"...i remembered those times when he always picked on me and jeremiah...the skinny and small young guys back then....well, he certainly gains a certain amount of fear and respect from young kids..his mum kept bringing us to the pd yacht club for swimming and such.. hoping that we would bond and become best friends(at least that's what i can think of it right now) ..but it didn't really turn out that way...maybe it was the medium at home that we were conversing in?...he was more in the chinese side and i was more on the english and bahasa malaysia side...anyways, we took basic guitar chord classes from our then "only" adult musician, captain wong, who actually brought us into music...but as time passed us by....he became the church's bassist.....and i became an enthusiastic and naive drummer...i tried everything to be the best....to be better.....to not be looked down on(bad, bad, bad)....to be a professional drummer...but no exposure. gideon went on to play golf....wanting to be better.....and be professional golfer...he's famous for his famous line...."let's go for supper after youth cell"...guess that all of us from the youth will be missing that. throughout the years we gradually grew further apart other than having casual conversations on football(he got very attracted to liverpool after getting into college)....so, here we are now....worlds apart...he's in australia and i'm in cheras/port dickson....he's on his way to becoming a business degree holder and i'm walking into working life...i still feel flashes of my life hanging over my head right now....decisions being made on a day to day basis...memories from the past...
it's nice knowing him as a friend....haha...but he's a nice fella to kutuk.. hope that he will be serving God and also studying smart when he's in melbourne...sometimes i just feel why is it that i send so many people off from KLIA but have never been the one actually going on the plane(except for once but that was mainly about my dad,me n my sis were just taggin along with my mum)...but if i do, i might never fly back.

a long hard weekend

2005-02-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

well, writing this a few hours late....nothing much is really going on in my life right now....just like a living corpse...went to taiping for the chinese new year and to sum it all up almost everything was fine and nice....except the weather....it was so hot maybe even reaching the upper thirties(in celcius)....

saturday, feb 12
went for practice in a peculiar mood...was in a very blur and casual state...but i knew what i had to do...because of a person's incapabilities,i had to take the acoustic guitar and also the bass(i really didn't know which one he was goin to play on) and tune it using the church's guitar tuner..
i, for one can't really stand being opressed on something which i have a certain amount of confidence in....particularly in music....humility is the way to becoming a better musician...but what if someone who was once your mentor but since then u have improved by a certain point in solidity and knowledge and have surpassed ur mentor by far?....i used the word by far not as a means to boast but playing 3 out of 5 chords WRONG in the whole duration of the practice....isn't that a bit way too much?he can't even tune the guitar properly and has an exuberant amount of arrogance(not being judgemental....it was pure observation) trying to lead worship leaders song by song.....this itself put me in a very distasteful mood which i knew i shouldn't continue on thinking like this if not i'll forget the importance of leading people into the atmosphere of being closer to God...but in the end i had to let it out somehow....and it landed on my dad because he's the acting music director currently(i didn't know he was in a not-so-fit healthy state so i regretted my own actions in my heart)....what a heartache saturday....

sunday, feb 13
i tried to put myself more in a worshipful manner because i know there would b lots of disturbances, technically, in music today(either the tuning would be out or he would just simply play the wrong chords, very shaky timing and lots more)....most of the time, i can take it if people who are not very skillfully equipped to play music but have that presence of humility in them and are willing to learn...but what if the person doesn't know his own faults and still leads....isn't it the blind leading the blind?....but i believe i can see(not 20-20 but at least have a certain visibility rate)...how strange is it when the blind leads the person who basically can see?...after service there was a meeting called by my dad to all musicians and worship leaders....i won't talk much but it was certainly a very heated discussion.....tension in the air...i don't really know how much i can take of this type of unnecesarry pressure.....but since i'm in this worship team, i won't give up on trying to correct the obvious technical faults....hopefully with the help of other musicians*i really mean this!*...sigh....what a day!

monday, feb 14
highlights of this day:
morning, 11.30am
met michael in the morning in woh fatt- wished him a happy birthday(haha...i still owe him
rm10)

afternoon, 1.30pm
met dr loh and philip
in woh fatt - wanted to buy me a classical guitar... haha...but i rejected the offer..
coz he liked the way guitarists play the spanish styles(such as flamenco)
on the classical....so i said since u like it,u learn it up la(i don't mind
learning it but my intention was to put me out of the question and
conversation)
5pm
went home and slept for around 3 hours
9.15pm
dinner with my sisters aletheia and eunice
11.40pm
watched "constantine" with ale and eunice. i won't say that it's a nice movie to watch...
it's a good THRILLER movie though....however the storyline was somewhat a bit unclear...anyways goin off to sleep now(4am, 15th feb)

just made it!

2005-02-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

just made it here to this blog(previously it was an unsuccessful xanga one...you'll most probably won't be able to find it so just leave it haha)....so won't b typing for long....quite tired....addin more stuff on moday....
...in short, just came back from taiping after a very hot new year's week.....*phew*....was sweatin like mad when me n my family was there...umm....drove all the way from taiping to subang...then to port dickson....i found the whole journey boring.....driving on the highway IS BORING...but it gets you the destination much faster than usual...before the highways were built it would take roughly 8 hours for this journey....currently it takes around 4 and a half hours..ok then...gonna get some rest...need to prepare for something tomorrow.